do you know how to make people laugh?

I was in Wal-Mart the other day and I walked up to a young and lovely woman and said, "I've lost my wife in here somewhere. Can you talk to me a couple of minutes?"

The woman looks puzzled. "Why talk to me?", she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a woman with t!ts like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere."

SAYING GOODBYE TO MOTHER......

You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one! You don't even have to like 'em!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the back yard, scoots back into the front door.

We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid ***** was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat *** downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

The cab driver hit a parked car.

Three guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room.

No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first night, John slept in Steve's room and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The rest of the guys said, "Man, what happened to you?"

He said, "Steve snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was Garry's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. Once again they asked, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"

He said, "Man, that Steve shakes the roof. I couldn't sleep a wink. I just watched him all night."

The third night was Herb's turn. Herb was a big burly guy who loved to fish and hunt -- a man's man.

The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said.

The guys couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Steve into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long!!!."

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A funny one and I give you a star. Here is a funny(!!) ghosts chat. Two ghosts met and both chat about how they died. 1st ghost : How u died? 2nd ghost : I died of cold. 1st ghost : How does it feel when you're dying in cold? 2nd ghost : Actually, I was accidentally locked in the refrigerator. Initially, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze, later I felt the whole world was dark and I died suffocating. 1st ghost : Wow what a horrible way to die.... 2nd ghost : How about you? How u die? 1st ghost : I died from heart attack. 2nd ghost : I see, why did u have a heart attack? 1st ghost : Actually, I found out that my wife is having an affair with another man. One day, when I came back from work, saw a pair of man shoes outside my house. Then, I realized that the guy was in my house with my wife. When I rushed into the bedroom, my wife was alone. I must find where that bastard is hiding. So I searched the toilet, I ran downstairs, looked in the storeroom, but the bastard was not there. So, I ran upstairs and searched the wardrobe, but I found nothing. Because of all that running,I got a heart attack and died. 2nd ghost : Why you never look for the bastard in the fridge? The bastard was hiding there. We both might be alive now!!

my husband just looks at me and says don't laugh, i can fight it the first few times, but then i always start laughing

Questions contribute nothing to a conversation and tell her nothing about you. Too many questions makes it feel like a job interview. Learn here http://attractanywoman.emuy.info/?mrwj

Never ask two questions in a row. Statements can often replace questions. Instead of asking where’s she’s from, tell her where you’re from and she may respond in kind. Or guess where she’s from. It doesn’t matter if you are right; either way it’s more interesting than yet another factual question.

A woman goes to a tattoo parlor to get a surprise for her husband. Since he always calls her his "little butterfly" she decides to get a butterfly tattoo on each butt cheek. The tattoo artist says to her

"Well, I can do it but it will take about 4 hours."

She replied,

"But my husband is getting home in 2 hours! How about you just put the letter B on each cheek?"

The job is done quickly and the wife goes home to wait for her husband. When he gets home, she says to him

" I have a surprise for you!"

She then turns around and pulls her pants down.

He yells, "Who the $%*& is BoB?!

Do this to someone you know ok?

Walk up to them and say

" I have something to tell you "

Then put on a really serious face (don't laugh yourself)

Stare them right in the eye and say

" Chicken Pie " ( really seriously )